Why do marriages end in divorce? Do people, especially women, become depressed after marriage? Is the divorce rate rising with each passing day? Why are young ladies labele as “becoming incompatible,” and why do they desire to remain single in many cases? Why do marriages fail?
By 2021, divorce is somewhat an acknowledged taboo but, PMD-Post Marital Depression is still an unbelievably rejected and overruled topic in Pakistani society
Marriage has a lot of weight, whether it’s because of religious pressures, societal pressures, or personal demands. It is one of our social setup’s most anticipated actions. A single wedding requires hundreds of people to plan. The most ludicrous aspect of all of this planning is that we’d want to believe that, like in a Disney film, the story finishes at the Walima reception with a message that says, ‘and they lived happily ever after!’
Why do marriages fail? People marry for a variety of reasons. Is it the desire for a company or halaal coitus that drives this behavior? The societal pressure of being in a legitimate relationship provides little room for other feasible options to discussed. “There are men and women who would never marry, whether by choice or fate. Others would raise their brows and blame them for being less in a way that they could not find a match, while others would say that they pitied them since they would have no children to look after in their old age.
Married Class, On The Other Hand, Envies Them In Some Ways
Their independence, spirit, and spontaneity, but they would never admit it openly. Nobody dares to accept it as a normal method of surviving in this situation because our attitude is so rigid. Living in a Pakistani society without getting marriage is unusual. You will marry whether you want it or not. Whether you feel you are fit for it or not. If one marriage fails, you will try again since unmarriage people are an outcast.” Abida Saeed, a matchmaker for the past 20 years, agrees.
We never pay attention to the basics of the relationship while preparing for marriage. Religion, clan, race, age, complexion, physical attributes, academic qualifications, and financial stability are all considere, but the most vital aspects of the connection are overlooke. Mental health, personality, temperament, nature, behavior, and sexual competency are all ignored.
After that, whatever the issue may be, both spouses are expecte to compromise. Living with another person under the same roof, adapting to his values, learning the ways, dealing with the hassles of in-laws and customs gives little chance to enjoy being in a relationship, especially for females in a Pakistani arrangement. If proper consideration is not given, the relationship that has never strengthened will eventually deteriorate.
In most circumstances, the female must cooperate and stay put because she will not return to her parents’ home once she has left. She was never encouraged to pursue a career, so her mind is still immobilize even though she has a Master’s degree. Inheritance is the least she should expect from her parents, who are more concerned with pleasing their sons because they have vested interests in doing so. Her habitat is being destroye as a result of all of this.
Although there are two parties to a marriage contract: man and woman, there is a third party, the SUSRAAL, who has a range of vested interests in the entire deal (in-laws). These are the folks, and a lot of them become family simply because two people marry. In the vast majority of cases, this third party performs a negative function and, in reality, is a hindrance to the building of the link between the two spouses.
According to Research
87 percent of Pakistani women experience marriage failure and Post Marital Depression due to their in-laws’ negative attitudes and inappropriate intervention. Living in a joint family system is a source of frustration. It’s become the standar for women to move out and live independently of their parents. But it’s much more difficult for men to do so. The hegemony of elder women is the focus, along with the financial reliance of parents on their sons. The girl welcome into the family is expected to immediately comprehen and begin following the husband’s family’s norms and traditions.
Negligence & Expectations
Expectations, as is customary, play a role in the psychological and emotional suffocation that follows marriage. The couple is charme and excited to see each other before engaging in this religious and legal engagement. All of the charisma fades after marriage, the attractiveness fades, and the love fades. As if it’s no longer necessary to compliment and admire one another as if it should be obvious that love and relationships change after marriage.
The absence of attention on a life partner is primarily to blame for the emotional turmoil. Women are more reliant on their husbands. Housewives, in particular, are more unhappy and depressed as a result of their repeated performance of a defined duty with little sense of accomplishment. There is no outward representation of their achievements to reassure them of their abilities. As a result, their love and companionship need barely alter; unfulfilled and unmet needs lead to sadness.
Dishonesty & Censuring
Breadwinners have unquestionably a higher social status in our culture. Muslim men are permitte to have four wives at the same time. They don’t frequently choose another woman, presumably because of financial and social responsibilities. They would rather cheat on their husbands. Not only does it hurt a wife to know that her husband is sleeping with someone else, but it also hurts to realize that their love is meaningless and their existence is worthless. Women’s confidence is shattere as a result of their insecurity.
According to a survey of women’s reactions in such situations, half of the women remain silent. They’ll suffer emotionally, but they’ll never say anything about it. They’re afraid about their children, or they don’t have anywhere else to go. When their spouses cheat on them, 40% of women will fight back and retaliate, all while attempting to maintain the marital tie. A woman would only speak out for her rights or petition for khula in 10% of the situations.
A startling fact is that women are held responsible for their husbands’ dishonesty, infidelity, and Zina. Their husbands ended up cheating and seeking the companionship of other women because of their neglect and lack of certain attributes, they’re told.
Motherhood & Parenting
For both couples, the early stages of parenthood are daunting. A child happens, even though cautiously preparing a family is a bit too much to anticipate from the majority. Couples aren’t truly prepare for the responsibility. Because they haven’t fully grasped the true purpose of being in a partnership. Even after a year of marriage, a couple who does not have a child is scrutinized by our hypercritical society. A baby is born mostly as a result of social pressures and traditional judgmental attitudes.
When a child is born, a woman’s personal space is completely taken away. Life changes, and the partners adjust to their new roles as parents. That’s when males start to get bored, and women start to suffer the baby blues, which can lead to Post-Partum Depression if left untreate.
She is deplete by mental and physical exertion. Motherhood is exhausting in a typical Pakistani household: relatives’ nagging and criticism, and unwelcome and undesired remarks from everyone. Interference harmful to a mother’s ability to parent and raise her children makes her feel inadequate. Women experience performance anxiety and depression even after giving it their all.
Justified Partriarchy & Religious
Everything in Pakistan centers around the ultimate objective of getting marriage and being happy, especially for ladies, no matter how compelling. Fortunately, attitudes toward marriage have begun to shift. Girls are more career-oriented and more motivated towards developing an autonomous entity of their own. Feminism, which first appeared in the United States a century ago, has sparked a few fires here as well.
Women’s rights Violations
Women’s rights violations, which had depicted as Islamic for years, began to take on an anti-Islamic tone. Religion may no longer be a repressive tool. The most frightening fact is that a significant proportion of women are unwilling to recognize the erected barriers as un-Islamic or even unfair.
Another cause of PMD has discovered to be the insane desire to have sons. It’s been a problem for us, and it won’t go away unless the women themselves do something about it. Unfortunately, it is a woman who is making another lady regret having a girl child. No matter how well-educated or modern we claim to be, the thought would plague us!
The suppressed eras are now putting us in a bind. Women, who unwittingly continue to support patriarchy, are more concerned with oppressing their kind. The situation can be seen in houses, businesses, social media, and female-only forums, where recurrent incidents of shaming, judging and attempting to establish hegemony speak for themselves.
Symptoms & Treatment For PMD
The earliest symptoms of PMD are explained by Dr. Hajra Tariq, a practicing Psychologist. “To begin with, symptoms include low mood, loss of interest in typical daily activities such as sex, disappointment in family, weeping spells, exhaustion, irritation, and angry outbursts over little disagreements with spouse or others. Although one is aware of the situation, one feels powerless to do anything about it. Biological functioning may also be disrupted.”
According to psychologists
According to psychologists, brain damage can sometimes be irreparable. Even though medication and therapy are recommended, the trauma, as well as the illness, continues. With time and age, the condition worsens. To nip the evil in the bud, the early phases are critical. Our folks cannot accept the gravity of the problem because of the unjust expectation of compromising and dealing with it. By their own families, the patients are expected to be nice and normal. The full rejection of comprehending another person’s sentiments has negative consequences.
The symptoms may differ from person to person, but the stigma associated with being labeled “pagal” prevents us from admitting that we require psychiatric assistance. On various degrees of understanding, conscientious parents have been attempting to empower daughters, but no attention is rarely taken towards mental health.
Our Legal System Family Laws & Divorce
Getting a divorce, or getting out of a toxic relationship, has never looked upon favorably. The immediate families are so concerned with their public image that they force their daughters to endure harsh behavior. Domestic violence is a reality that may found in practically every home. Although divorce is permitte by religion, it is not permitte by culture.
“The causes for Why do marriages fail?,” says Shahzad Mansoor Khan, a prominent advocate of the Lahore High Court. Religion, mental health, extended illness or infertility, sexual compatibility, one’s wealth, social standing, values, and integrity all have an impact on marriage.”
Taboo About This Issue
Apart from being taboo, our laws and legal system are set up so that ladies are discourage from obtaining legal help. Courts have long been associated with criminal trials and remedies, and they are not suppose to be safe environments for women. So when women come to us for Khula issues, they are hesitant and fearful of going to court. We reassure them and alleviate their anxieties by assuring them that we’ll be there to support her and that she won’t have to appear in court every time.”
Laws in Pakistan
“Laws in Pakistan do protect the fundamental rights of women,” Shahzad Mansoor argues. For example, the lady might file a legal complaint about damages for the serious mental depressions and syndromes created by her husband’s and in-laws’ behavior. She may also file a criminal complaint against the individual who harassed or tortured her. However, the fact that we live in a male-dominated culture is a harsh reality, and the aggrieved rarely turn to the courts or any other place to seek redress for their problems. Another cause for the failure to fight for justice is a lack of knowledge and awareness. Many forums have established to protect women from domestic violence and harassment, but due to cultural and religious barriers.”
Women who seek legal help to end toxic relationships are already dealing with psychological concerns. Their emotional distress can seen in their body language and the way they talk about their problems. They are unfit to deal with the harsh rules of the legal system. “Litigation is a difficult approach to resolve issues involving women,” Sabahat Rizvi observes boldly. The laws that are already in place are not being enforce effectively. Even if a woman musters the resolve to seek legal redress. The presiding officers are unprepare to cope with her. The first impression upon the case filing is that the woman is lying and that the case is nothing more than a storytelling session. Especially in cases of harassment, where the ombudsperson is a woman, she would be hesitant to accept the applications.
Furthermore, because male lawyers are significantly more numerous, the case is more likely to assigned to one of them. Unfortunately, most male lawyers accept cases but do not treat their female clients with the respect and professionalism that they need. They don’t care to inform the client of the case’s facts, procedural intricacies, and progression. They portray themselves as irritated and annoyed by the frequent follow-up, which discourages women. Another scenario is harassment experience throughout the lawsuit process. Including by some male lawyers, and I hate to say it, but also by some female lawyers.”
Efforts With Consideration
The private sphere
Both the husband and the wife should be conscious that they are separate entities. They both need to be expose to the outside world. In times of emotional void, friends and work can be really helpful. Women who rely too heavily on males emotionally become frustrated. Women, including housewives, should work part-time at something they enjoy and offer them a sense of success. Men should show their support for their woman by accepting that she is not inferior in any manner and that she is entitle to happiness. Both of their mental wellness will contribute to the household’s stability.
“Communication is the key,” says Dr. Hajra. Assertiveness training can be beneficial. It is necessary to comprehend the significance of mental health and how to deal with day-to-day problems. Techniques for problem-solving can be beneficial.” An ‘Introduction to Psychology’ should be a required subject in college curricula. A healthy society requires people to have a fundamental understanding of how their brains work.
Keep the Spirit alive
Making an effort to look good for each other, complimenting, exchanging modest gifts, applauding and defending real efforts in front of friends and family, a smart display of affection: seemingly insignificant gestures have a big influence.
It’s critical to break up the routine. An annual vacation, some time away from the rest of the family, and, above all, communication; individuals can’t understand what the other person is feeling 85 percent of the time. Some people are unable to express themselves. As a result, sharing will keep the relationship’s integrity and spirit intact.
Joint Family Systen
The necessity to normalize not living in a combined family is growing urgent. The less interference there is, the less likely there is to be chaos. The girls should be able to live their lives as they see fit. The style of relationship that children see between their parents is usually the type that they will emulate. Every household’s parents should strive to establish positive standards.
The most practical option is to empower women, particularly by assisting them in becoming financially stable. It will comfort them that their priorities and choices are important and have influence over their lives and decisions. As a result, it will serve as a deterrent against depression and mental anguish. Furthermore, women’s and wives’ rights should secured. Including the right to inherit from her parents, an acceptable amount as regular pocket money from her husband, a financially justified Haq Meher, the right to delegate divorce, and other such vital rights.
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